Guilty as charged. Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” has caught me singing along, nodding my head, fist pumping in the air, belting the chorus at the top of my lungs, etc. I admit it. Let’s be clear though – this still doesn’t make me a Swift fan but I can admit when a song has sunk its claws into my brain.
For those of you familiar with the lyrics, in the chorus it sounds like she’s saying “starbucks lovers.” I couldn’t make out what any of the words were before that but I mumbled along and overly enunciated those two words to make up for it. But…Starbucks lovers? What does that mean? Does she intend to meet her next lover at Starbucks? Does she always meet them at Starbucks? Or is that just a crazy coincidence? Only after looking up the lyrics was this shroud of mystery cleared – she was saying “Got a long list of ex-lovers.” Makes more sense… but I still sing “Starbucks lovers” anyway. 🙂
I’m not sure how much detail I can go into explaining the story behind this drawing because of how creeped out I get thinking about it – but it’s inspired by Robert Durst. I had no idea who he was but HBO’s The Jinx changed all of that forever. It’s clear, from the beginning of the series that something isn’t completely “right” with Durst. His generalizations, cold and unmoved emotion when speaking about the alleged disappearance of his wife, murder of his friend, and killing of Morris Black leave you to believe he’s heartless… or is he crazy? Was he just a product of the suicide of his mother? Or was jealousy within the sibling dynamic to blame? No matter what, the six part mini-series had me hooked and creeped out ever since. His mind has made him justify his actions and that is the scariest thing to me.
I’ve known for quite some time that the numbering of my mini-Peety drawings were flawed. I’ve lost track of what number drawing it is a number of time so sometimes I’ll sorta ballpark it or my favorite – confuse the order of the numbers if it’s multiple digits making me question whether or not I may have a mild form of dyslexia. Either way, the story behind this mini-Peety drawing is actually #2201, I believe, but for consistency’s sake and because it’s already posted, let’s go along with it being #2122. Geez, Jessica. Get it together!
So, this light that everyone talks about – I’ve been wondering whether I’m actively shielding my eyes from it or if I’m still waiting for it to reveal itself. I’m currently in a super comfortable zone where I FINALLY feel like I can handle it, things, life, family, lack of sleep… I can do it! But then… that damn light. When will it come? Am I just ignoring it?! What will I do when I finally see it – walk towards it or take a raincheck? Do I want to settle for comfortability? And if I do settle for immediate comfort, am I going to be able to peel myself from this warm cloak of comfort and walk to the light when I’m ready? Or will my mold be too perfect to give up? Too many questions. Not enough answers.
This drawing is about my struggle with the light. Some days I don’t care for it. Other days, I wish it would engulf me so I knew what I should be doing and where I should be headed. Until then, I guess I’ll still wait for it… or take off my blinders.
Man, Hungry Caterpillar was really onto something. Right now, I’m in this weird cocoon phase because I’ve realized I’m outgrowing things: my routine, my wardrobe, my 9-5, people, the four white walls that surround me, the irritability of people who can’t get their shit together. I’m usually not up for change because the stubborn capricorn in me won’t allow it. But right about now, this caterpillar is creating a cocoon and ready for a transformation.
I’ve never been at a point in my life where pretty much everything around me felt so dated. Maybe this phase is exponentially heightened because Vee is constantly in a state of change – you know, that thing that babies do. So, how do I deal and make peace with this “outgrowing” phase? I make lists. I’ve made lists upon lists trying to organize my life. My lists include anything from new Peety Draws products (which I’m SO incredibly behind on!!!!!), doing laundry, researching new design goods, or writing thank you cards (another fail). I haven’t quite figured out the balance, yet, but I’m ready to shed my old skin and emerge anew.
I’m lucky to work in a field where most of the people I encounter are genuinely supportive, encouraging and truly want to see you succeed, even if that means surpassing them. When I compare my professional career experiences to my peers, I’m thankful I made the most of the opportunities presented to me, that I had a wonderful art director who, I feel, took me under his wing and taught me the best of what he knew, for having an incredibly supportive husband who loves my creative side and childlike spirit, and for those co-workers who knew nothing about my profession but learned the importance of words like “brand” and “consistency” so we could work as a team.
Despite the wonderful nature of the creative field, there are still those assholes out there who are selfish and think only of themselves and their betterment. It’s a rude awakening going from a circle of warmth and sincerity to one with bared teeth and clenched fists. I’d like to think the naiveté of my 20s is gone and I have a pretty good understanding of how the real world works but every so often, I encounter one of these “cannibals” who remind me to watch out for myself or else I’ll be eaten alive.
I’ve been watching Sonic Highways on HBO and the more I learn about Dave Grohl, the more I believe in good karma. That dude is quite possibly one of the most giving, creative and down to earth person as one can be. He wants to be challenged, he wants to grow, and in turn, he wants to take what he’s learned and help others, encourage others, educate others. It’s just such a good reminder that karma is not overrated so don’t waste your time being a cannibal.
There are way too many people, myself included, that compare themselves to the highlights of a social media life. I have no problem admitting it. Yes, I’ve gotten lost in the sea of butterflies, rainbows, smiling faces, and annoying perfectly staged chaos of these ideal lives. How can other people’s lives be so perfect when I’m dealing with bills, sleep deprivation, impending layoffs at the 9-5, and most importantly, maintaining the happiness of my husband while taking care of our daughter?! It’s just not fucking fair.
And then, I consider the alternative: a life without complications, without conflict, without challenges, without goals. Would I genuinely be happy? Without a doubt, my answer is no. My journey is a difficult one but the reward is mine and one I share with my husband. We live in a time where everyone’s life is on full blast and it SEEMS like they have conflict-free lives. This quote, though, this quote slapped me in the face and told me to man the fuck up and stop comparing my wonderful life to other people in the world. Man, no one knows the stuff I go thru, the decisions I make and why my life is the way it is. And same goes for all those picture perfect lives except they only share those Disney moments. Everyone has obstacles they face and that is the beauty of life. It makes you stronger and helps you grow into the person you’re supposed to be. I may still fall into the trap of comparison but being more aware of it keeps me from going deeper down the rabbit hole.
A few years ago, at a previous job, I was expressing concern over meeting a deadline to my manager. I was clearly stressing out and my manager could sense it.
He turned to me and said, “Jessica. Are you a brain surgeon?”
Confused, I replied, “No.”
“I didn’t think so. What you do is important but it’s not brain surgery.”
It seems silly as I read these words on the screen. However, I always remember this anytime I am stressed out, overcome with guilt or stretched too thin, to help put things in perspective. What I do is important but not at the detriment of my health or family. These four words somehow always put my worries in perspective every time, without fail.
My husband and I were reading thru some articles and came across a thought that is now the pictured Mini-Peety Drawing a Day. It so accurately encapsulates my frustration with parts of my life I know can be better. I do have a dissatisfaction of my professional life, the little freelance I do, and things in my personal life. I also know that I need to be patient before things can get better because I’m a big believer in paying your dues before you get what you deserve or are owed in life. So, right now, I am in a limbo state where, more than ever before, I realize every decision I make in life is moving me closer to my end goal of happiness and satisfaction. But until then, I will be dissatisfied – not because I’m a debbie downer but because it’s a reminder of my ambition.
I know 2013 isn’t over yet, but this year has been crazy awesome already. I’ve become a mom, moved up professionally and deepened many friendships. I’ve worked on so many creative projects and been inspired beyond belief. My financial security has opened doors and I finally feel successful. I’ve been reminded day after day how much love I’m surrounded by when I look at my husband and the rest of my family.
Despite these wonderful things, I can’t shake this feeling of vulnerability. Maybe it has something to do with me turning the big 3-0 in a couple of months. Or perhaps because I’m a first time mother and scared shitless. I can’t help but be reminded that no matter how much accomplishment or progress I feel, I’m constantly growing, learning and ultimately, unfinished.
Most of my Mini-Peety Drawings a Day are not reflections of things going on in my life. Many times, I’m inspired by a conversation I just had, a phrase I heard, a message I want to share, etc. This one, however, was a reminder specifically for me – but appropriate for all of us to remember.
When I drew this character, I was anxious, overwhelmed, excited and eager all at the same time. Those emotions were a reflection of how I was feeling in my professional and personal life. I usually rest on the saying, “things happen for a reason.” Somehow, I didn’t feel like that was enough this time. It didn’t calm me the way it usually would. I headed to Pinterest to find the perfect set of words to inspire and uplift my mood. I read these simple words: Bigger and Better Things. It immediately clicked in my head: Yes. I AM onto bigger and better things. That road is never easy and it’s never clear cut BUT the one thing I do know is that I am on my way to achieving bigger and better things.
Wherever you are today, however overwhelmed and crazy you feel, know that hard work and sweat is not overrated. The payoff will be oh so sweet and you’ll realize, you’ve finally arrived at your goal, bigger and better.